To Find What You Lost
by lafgl
Summary: I never thought I'd see him again. But there he was, standing right in front of me, looking like nothing had changed. But I had. / I lied. I knew our paths would cross again. I just didn't think it would be like this... Okay... Maybe a little.
1. Chapter 1

College was supposed to be the start of a new me. Me and Amber, taking on the world. Her, majoring in fashion design, and I, majoring in Egyptian history. What else would I choose? Amber, being... well, Amber, decided to tell me the first morning of classes. Tell me what, exactly? We walked across the campus, and, luckily, found our class easily.

"Okay, Nina... Don't kill me, but... Fabian... mightbegoingheretoo," She jumbled her words together, as if she didn't even want to tell me.

"Amber!" I groaned.

"I'm sorry Nina! I knew you would never come if I told you before!"

That's not true. I wanted to go here. My past wouldn't stop me from my dreams. "Well he's obviously going to have the same major as me so it's not like I can just avoid him!" I sighed as we walked into the classroom.

"Think about it. This might be good for you! You two haven't spoken since junior year!"

"And with good reason, Amber." I spoke, quieter, as we sat down next to each other, "I didn't exactly leave on good terms."

"But he was heartbroken! You should have seen him."

I feel bad, really, I do. But, I'm not the best at goodbyes, and I'm sure as hell not good at relationships. Leaving Anubis was one of the hardest decisions I had to make, but after I found out Eddie and I couldn't be together, I felt guilty. Fabian and I left each other on good terms. Eddie and Patricia had broken up over the summer. If he hadn't gone back, it would've killed me. They deserve to be together, and I knew that I would be responsible for them never getting back together if I went back instead of him. He fought me at first, but, eventually, he just broke down, and just kept thanking me. He didn't have to say why he was thanking me, because I knew; he loves her.

"Well I see him now!" I panicked: I leaned my elbow on the desk, and buried my head in my hand, shielding my face.

"Nina, please!" she begged, pulling on my arm. "Actually, a good bunch of us are going here too... I was going to surprise you later but maybe you'll be more willing to talk to Patricia, Eddie, and Alfie?" She wouldn't be wrong there, except... "Okay, maybe not Alfie." Yeah.

I laughed, "I'd love to talk to Patricia. I know she isn't the most romantic girl, but I also know that she knows how to deal with things."

From what I've heard, Patricia and Eddie have had a few mishaps, but they'd always work it out in the end. Now, that's not something you'd expect from Patricia, and if she could do it, I could too. I'm glad that they're still together; a reason why I don't regret leaving. The way I always saw him look at her, the way he broke down, I knew they were meant for each other.

"...they even share a room together! It's so adorable, Nina. She's so different with him..." Amber rambled on about the power couple, aimlessly, may I add, while I continued to keep hiding from Fabian. I felt every muscle in my body tense as he walked by, and I hoped he wouldn't notice me. And he didn't. I don't know if it was pure luck, or what, but he either didn't realize it was me, or didn't say something. Either way, I was glad.

When the bell rang, I was ready to just run. Amber had given me Patricia's address. So I grabbed my books, my keys, and ran as fast as I could to my car. I tapped my foot impatiently after knocking on the door, hard, several times, and when the it finally opened, I was face-to-face with Eddie.

"Nina? I thought Amber was having us surprise you!"

"She was, but right now I just really want to talk to Patricia." I explained, trying not to make a big fuss or bring up any details.

"Did someone say my name?" Patricia peeked around the corner, "Come in!"

I gave Eddie a quick hug, and made my way over to Patricia. She hugged me before I had a chance to myself. "I missed you too?" I laughed at her sudden fondness of physical affection.

"Here, sit," she gestured to the set of chairs at the kitchen island, "I'll get you some vodka. I think you'll need it for this conversation..."

I shot her a look, and Eddie butted in, "Patricia!"

"Kidding, kidding! It's early, have some coffee." she said, pouring me a cup, as well as herself. "And you," she pointed at Eddie, "Weasel, get lost!"

"That's more like the Patricia I know." She slid the cup across the table as she sat down across from me, "Thanks," I smiled.

"No problem."

Sip.

Sip.

Silence.

"I know why you're here." she admitted. Good. Now I don't have to awkwardly explain my situation. "Let me fill you in: he had a fling with Mara, but it didn't last long. Not even the summer. He's not over you."

"Look, I know you're just saying that. I'm totally fine that he moved on. Actually, I'm happy." More lies, but I'm not about to cry in front of Patricia.

"You still love him, Nina." she sighed, sending me a sympathetic smile.

"I do?" I said, testing out the words. It's more of a whisper than anything. Then: the realization that it's not a question. It's me, admitting it out loud—to myself, even—for the first time in a while. I rest my head on my hand, and slouch down in defeat, "I still do."

"So go talk to him! You guys were best friends."

"We haven't spoken since the beginning of junior year. It won't be that easy. Doesn't help that I left at the worst time." I knew there would be another mystery, and I intentionally kept my distance. I could've asked Eddie to consider letting me come back instead, but I didn't. I even knew Eddie wouldn't be the most coordinated leader. I wanted them to make up. He couldn't just not go back to her after she distanced herself.

She shakes her head. "That's not your fault."

"I know it isn't. But I can't stop feeling like it is."

"It all worked out in the end," she laughed, "We actually graduated..."

"Surprising!" I smirked.

"I wish you were there."

"I wish I was too..."


	2. Chapter 2

I decide not to take Patricia's advice. Not now, at least. It's not that I don't_ want_ to talk to him, because I definitely do. It's more so the fact that I just feel weird about the whole situation. Is it weird that I think we were drawn closer with the mysteries? Would things have been different if... no... things would be different if I had stayed. For one, Sibuna would've been much more coordinated than it was (from what I heard from Amber).

Since Amber and I are sharing a room, I'll have to deal with her nagging, but, hey, maybe if she tells me enough, I'll actually _do_ something. Now, if only it were that simple - it's really not. 10 minutes into a speech about why I should talk to Fabian and at least try and be friends with him, and all it's done is made me less likely to attempt conversation. Having her as a roommate has always been an... _experience_, but she's still one of my best friends. And I'm pretty sure that one of the unwritten rules of, well, friendship, is that you have to at least pay attention when someone's trying to give you advice. Whether you take it or not is your choice. Unfortunately, I don't have the pleasure of making that decision for myself. Fast forward to the on-campus coffee shop later than day:

Fabian: Hi...

Me: ...Hi?

It comes out more as a question than anything. I'm sitting at one of the small, round tables in the corner.

"Erm, how've you been?" he asks after taking a sip of what appears to be some kind of tea. He doesn't sit down, not yet at least.

"I'm fine," I nod, "sit down." I find myself inviting him to talk when my mind is telling me no.

So he does sit down, across from me. "That's good." It's just small talk, Nina. Not a marriage proposal.

"And you?"

"Okay."

There's a bit of a silence before I ask him another question, "So, Jerome and Joy? Didn't see that one coming." Amber had, of course, kept up on the gossip, and relayed it back to me.

"Me neither," he laughs, and I can't help myself from smiling back at him, "I'm glad she found someone that makes her happy." So am I. Even though Joy did horrible things to me, that's all in the past. She deserves a happy life. I wouldn't wish horrible things on anyone, even her.

"So what about you, Nina? What makes you happy?"

"I guess I'm glad I'm reunited with everyone. I never really realized how much I missed you all. You?"

"Today's been a pretty good day for me, I'd say. Starting college, same as you I guess."

For about the first few minutes, all I feel is my stomach trying to do somersaults inside of me, but I think I settle down a bit after that, to the point where I actually feel comfortable holding a conversation with him, much more than I thought I would be able to do earlier. Still, I wish I wasn't so anxious and shy around him. We were once best friends..._ more than best friends_... and I can only hope that we might be like that again someday soon.

"You know, once I saw Patricia and Eddie yesterday, it actually set in how much I missed the over the past two years." I admit.

"Junior year and graduation day were both quite the adventure." I flinch at the mention of graduation. Patricia had explained that Fabian had gotten with Mara then. Of course, I don't bring it up at all. It's already an awkward conversation to start with, and I don't intend on making it worse. Plus, they were never really 'together', so it's not exactly that important, not now, with our only real conversation so far being small talk. Maybe later.

"So I've been told," I smirked, remembering the little stories Amber had told me about Sibuna before she went to school in New York, "but I've never heard the whole story."

Fabian looks down at his watch, "I've got time."

"So do I."

I spoke to him again 2 weeks later.

* * *

**So there we go! Chapter 2! Thanks to DefinitionofaWriter for the encouragement on twitter, and houseofanubisfan2 for the review! This is awkward. Um, follow me on twitter maybe? I'm lafgl.**

**The next update should be up be between Christmas and New Years'**

**if it isn't**

**feel free to harass me on twitter :D**


	3. Chapter 3

I didn't tell anyone, especially not Amber, that I had finally gotten the nerve to talk to Fabian. The next time I spoke to him after our - should I call it a reunion? - was 2 weeks later. We'd both taken up a work-study program that consisted of cataloguing museum artifacts. It's not like I expected anything different: of course that's what he would choose to do. I didn't think that he'd choose something else... I just kinda hoped that, maybe...

I didn't have too much trouble at first, identifying what things were made of and whatnot, when I'd been given a list of what I needed to write down information about. I was also required to write a little bit about each object, which was also mostly easy. Until it wasn't, and I realized I needed help from the last person I wanted it from right now.

"Fabian?"

He picks his head up from his work, and looks over at me, dropping his pen, "You scared me," he smiles.

"Sorry..." I sigh, "I needed help... um... this is your kinda thing." I hand him the flat slab.

He takes it from me, and looks back up at me after studying it for a second, "You know, Nina, I don't just go around solving hieroglyphics for fun."

I purse my lips and feel my face heat up. "I know... I know it's been a while, but we both know that you have a better chance of figuring it out than me." He knows I'm right about that.

Okay, so he doesn't figure it out. And I quietly return to my desk without speaking another word to him.

* * *

When I finally do tell Amber, as expected, I'm bombarded with every possible question known to man:

"Wait, when?"

"And where?"

"Did you talk to him first?"

"Did he flirt with you?"

"Did you guys hug?

"_Kiss?_"

"Oh my god, did he kiss you?"

"Amber!" I shout, "No, we didn't kiss! Or _anything_!"

"Come on!" she complains, pouting as she flops back down on her bed.

"He bumped into me at the coffee shop. We just talked about the mystery junior year... and, you know, relationship gossip. Nothing you haven't talked about in-depth before."

"Relationship gossip like... him and Mara?" she raises her eyebrows.

I roll my eyes at her, "I didn't even bring that up."

"So basically... you just had Sibuna-style small talk."

"You could call it that." I agree, sitting down next to her.

"I'm proud of you, you know that?" she smiles, hugging me.

"I'm glad I talked to him, I really am."

"You've got it _so_ bad." she laughs.

Yeah, I do. I've got it so bad that I don't even want to speak to him; the fear that I'd just mess everything up. Fabian's friendship with me is more important than any relationship drama. I just want to talk like we used to. _Like nothing matters..._

It wasn't _as_ awkward after that. It was still small talk, just with less stuttering and silence. One such conversation happened about a week later:

"Hey, Nina."

"Hi," I smile, continuing to walk down the hall. I was headed towards my dorm after class.

"Um, how are you?"

"I'm good. You weren't in class Monday, what happened?"

"Oh, yeah," he scratches the back of his head and smiles slightly, "I was getting over a cold, but I'm better now. That's kinda what I wanted to talk about. Could you copy me on the notes?"

I think back to class two days ago... yeah... he wouldn't need notes. "We learned about different symbols in Egyptian mythology. Specifically, the Eye of Horus..."

"We've already over-analyzed that one," he laughs.

"That was kinda my point," I laugh, too. "Why are we even taking this class? We could _teach_ it."

"If we taught it we'd probably look insane, and, anyways, it's an easy a."

"You're not wrong about that," I smile at him, and we stop walking outside my dorm building.

"I don't live here... So..."

"So..." I mimic his accent.

"So, since we don't exactly have to study, want to meet up later? You, me, Amber, Patricia, Eddie?"

"Sure, I mean, it would be nice to have a _proper_ conversation with everyone," I laugh.

"Around 5ish?"

"That works."

As I go to open the door after I wave goodbye to him, he stops me, "Ah, Nina! Wait!"

"Yeah?" I turn back around to look at him.

"I, uh, I'll see you later?"

"Yeah. See you later."

I tell Amber as soon as she gets back from class a few minutes later (something about a fashion emergency), and her reaction is what I expected.

"Ooooh, you can wear one of my dresses! I'll do your hair too! And-"

"Amber! It's just a get together. I don't think it's exactly a formal event."

"Whatever."

I laugh; typical Amber.

* * *

**AYE I'M BACK**

**late**

**ok um honestly idk when the next update will be cuz my progress on chapter 4 is 100 words**

**but in all seriousness harass me on twitter lafgl**

**also thumbs up to me for remembering to replace my line break placeholder bc that would've been embarrassing**

**but HEEEEEY FABINA HAD NORMAL CONVERSATIONS THATS JUST WOW**

**aaaaaand ooh how's the lil sibuna reunion gonna go?**

**FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON MEAGHAN IS A LAZY SHIT AND YOU WILL PROBABLY GET AN UPDATE IN A MONTH**


	4. Chapter 4

"Okay, wow. It's been a while," Amber smiles as we all sit down in a circle in the middle of Patricia and Eddie's living room.

"You would think we'd be glad to get rid of the ancient spirits trying to kill us but I actually _kinda_ miss it," Eddie admits with a smug grin on his face.

"Though, I don't believe Nina's ever heard what happened junior year," Patricia adds.

"Only bits and pieces from Amber," I admit, "Most of which included highly detailed descriptions of exactly what she was wearing..."

Amber rolls her eyes as everyone else laughs; a chorus of "of course," and "only Amber..."

"But, no, I'd really like to know what happened," I look over at Eddie, urging him to explain.

"Well, first, poor Fabian decided that there was no Sibuna without you, and decided to repeat that _every time_ we talked about the mystery for... was it a week?"

"I think it was a week." Patricia adds, while Fabian looks at Eddie with a stare that can only be described as, "I will hurt you."

"I think he might have cried too." Eddie rambles, "Dude did you cry?" He turns towards Fabian.

"Okay! Back to the story!" Fabian yells over everyone.

"Yeah, so, he made me lead Sibuna."

Wait. What? Eddie lead Sibuna? "What?"

"And it probably wasn't a good idea anyways considering you almost destroyed the world... twice," Fabian sighs.

"Keyword: almost. As in it didn't actually happen." Eddie smirks, and continues on with the story.

* * *

"So Robert is still out there?"

Eddie scratches his neck, "Uhm, we don't actually know. We haven't heard from him or Harriet since July but, I mean, it seemed like he was doing fine then. For a super old guy, I mean," he laughs.

"So how have you guys been? Like, relationship-wise," I ask Eddie and Patricia.

"Actually, pretty good." Patricia smiles, and it's then that I notice they're holding hands. Out of the corner of my eye I see Amber smiling too.

"And everyone else?" Amber asks, shooting me a look I can't decipher.

"Well, there's Jerome and Joy, but you knew that. Alfie and the girl from Isis, Willow, got together, and they're both going to college over in the UK. And-" Eddie starts, but Amber cuts in.

"-that's it." she smiles nervously, looking like she regrets asking in the first place.

"No, what about Fabian?"

"Yeah he's single, Eddie, _remember_?" Patricia nudges him, talking slowly.

"He's single _now_, but he dated Mara over the summer,_ remember_?" he continues in the same tone.

Patricia and Amber both smack him on the arm, "Eddie!"

I bite my lip and look over at Fabian, but he doesn't look up at all. "I gotta um..." I break the silence, but it comes out as a squeaky whisper. I quickly walk out the door and slouch down next to the wall. I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

I was fine hearing it from Amber, before I talked to him, but now that I'd heard his voice again, seen him smile, that dorky smile, I can't control myself.

Don't cry...

Don't cry...

Damnit, don't cry!

No matter how many times I say it to myself, I can't stop a few drops from falling down my face.

"Nina?"

Oh, God no. _No no no no no._

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I get up, shielding my face from him, "I just needed some air, but I actually have to go now, I just remembered."

I'm making my way down the stairs when I feel his hand touch my shoulder, and I almost shiver as he turns me around.

"I know when you're lying, Nina."

I nod, "I know."

"Look, me and Mara..."

I shrug his hand off my shoulder, "I don't want to hear about it Fabian; I'm glad you moved on. Now, look, we're adults and we can handle this like adults. If you really want to talk about it, fine, but not now. I need some time to myself." The words just rolled out and I couldn't stop them.

Where did that even come from? I've never spoken to anyone like that before, especially Fabian. At least it wasn't the worst possible thing I could say.

"Yeah, I get it, Nina," he sighs, like I didn't just yell at him for the first time I can ever remember, "I'll call you, okay?"

He steps to the side and starts walking back to his dorm with his hands in his pockets. I turn around, and try to call out to him, to beg him to come back, but nothing comes out.

* * *

**Whew, whaddya think so far? We got Nina up to speed on the mystery, everyone joking about Fabian, and blabber mouth Eddie!**

**Who knew Nina had it in her! Ouch, that's gotta sting.**

**Next... more Fabina drama brewing, and possibly a better friendship between the two! Predictions? Thoughts? Drop me a review or a pm, no need to be shy.**

**I'm also gonna start posting previews on my Twitter lafgl with the hashtag #tfwylafgl (haha get it I connected the acronym of the title with my name? I'm a clever lil shit aren't I.) and the first one was posted before this chapter came out!**

**Also a huge thanks to houseofanubisfan2 for reviewing again!**

**Seeya next time! Whenever that happens to be.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Two months later**

"Amber, for the last time! I'm not going to that stupid party!"

"No, you're not."

"Yeah, that's what I just said." I glare at her.

"You're going to stay here with Fabian, and _I'm_ going to that stupid party."

"Excuse me?" I haven't seen him since... was it a fight? I don't really know.

"Sssssh," she whispers, leaning against the door to listen. I hear Eddie and Fabian talking close by.

"Eddie, why are we in the girls' dorm?" Fabian asks.

"I told you, I borrowed a book from Amber and I'm just giving it back," Eddie sighs.

"What? Amber doesn't read!"

I can hear them just outside the door, and that's when Amber swings open the door, "It's true, I don't," she laughs, as Eddie shoves Fabian inside and slams the door.

"Eddie! What are you doing? I-" he frantically fumbles with the door, but freezes when he sees me, "Hi."

"Hi," I wave back.

"Looks like we're locked in."

"Yeah," I sigh. Eddie and Amber's handiwork, most likely. Patricia was probably involved in some shape or form as well, but that's the_ least_ of my worries right now.

"Is there any reason you haven't talked to me for, oh, what is it, two months?" He's still standing at the door, arms folded.

It's not like him to talk like that. He's either bluffing or really mad. Probably a little bit of both.

"I'm sorry," I mumble. He doesn't say anything as he sits on the floor in front of my bed. "Don't feel like you need to talk to me."

I feel terrible. I made him an offer to talk, and just walked away from that chance. I know I _should_ have talked to him. But I don't even know how I really feel or even what I want to talk about.

"I do." he smiles slightly, and looks up at me. "This is what I missed, you know?"

I turn my head, confused. "What?"

"Your second year at Anubis... all of the Sibunas were camped out in you and Amber's room, and we were the last ones awake. We just talked for a while. It was nice. I miss talking to you, Neens," he sighs.

He hasn't called me that in so long that it almost seems foreign to me, "I miss talking to you too, Fabian."

"So let's talk."

And we do. For however long. And it's nice. And I'm still mad at those three. Yet somehow I'm grateful.

It's only when he brings up our last conversation that my stomach starts to do flips.

"Did you mean it?"

I look down at him, "Mean what?" I hope he isn't talking about what I think.

"When you said _if_ I wanted to talk about it, we could?"

"Yes," I whisper, hoping he doesn't press for more. I did mean it, at the time. I regret it now.

"Do you... _want_ to?"

My teeth skim over my bottom lip as I try and figure out how to respond, and I settle for a simple, shy, "No..."

He smiles and sits up tall, after a few seconds of silence, "20 questions!"

"Okay, shoot," I laugh, glad the conversation's over.

"Cats or dogs?" He asks — a simple question to get started.

"Dogs. I wasn't kidding when I said I was allergic to cats!"

It's my turn to ask a question now and I'm clueless, so I ask the first thing that comes to mind, "Um, what's your favorite color?"

"Really, Nina?" he laughs.

"I don't know! Give me a break!"

"Dig deeper!"

"Oh, yeah, because cats versus dogs was _sooooo_ deep." I roll my eyes.

Fine. He wants to play that way? _Fine_. I smile, "Tell me something you've never told anyone else."

"Okay... I slept with a night light until I was 14." he admits, and I can't help myself from laughing.

"No way. Oh my god." I laugh. Who would have known Fabian was afraid of the dark for so long?

"Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want. Now it's your turn."

What haven't I told anyone...? My parents? No, too depressing. And he knows my fears. The only thing he doesn't know is that I still have feelings for him. "I don't know. You know _all_ about me. The only one I can think of is kinda depressing." I sigh. "I'm sorry, this is awkward," I laugh, rubbing my temples.

"No," he laughs with me, "Ok, let's keep going. Favorite memory at Anubis?"

That would be... our first kiss at the prom. "Um, I guess the prom?" I try to tell him the truth, but keep it vague.

"After the whole near-death experience, you mean?" he raises his eyebrows.

"Yeah," I say quietly. He's talking about everything in our past like it doesn't matter. Does he think that? And of course I'm nervous discussing all of this. We've always been best friends even when we were together.

What are we now?

I _want_ to be best friends.

I want to be _more_ than best friends.

I want to be like we were.

I just don't know where to start.

Luckily, Fabian seems to be at least thinking about being my friend again, because he initiates the next conversation, "I can't believe Amber and those two locked us in here."

"Yeah," I agree. It was pretty uncalled for.

"They weren't kidding when they said they were going to make us make up."

"What?"

"Oh... you don't know..." he laughs, "I didn't take it seriously, but Amber said she was, and I quote, 'devoting her existence to making us friends again.'"

"Okay, that's extreme. Even for Amber." I say it even though it's not. It's _exactly_ what she would do. And at this point, I'm kind of okay with it.

* * *

**So, what do you think? A big time jump, and Amber, Patricia, and Eddie pushing Fabian and Nina together. Plus a little development between the two, heh. But Nina's still weary of getting too close, and obviously isn't keen on keeping her promise.**

**Next time, we get the aftermath of this little scheme and... an actual party? Stay tuned.**

**As always, thanks to houseofanubisfan2 for reviewing! And thanks to DefinitionofaWriter for encouraging me on Twitter! If you haven't read scarred, do it. Def is an amazing writer and scarred is just WOW.**

**You can follow me lafgl and check #tfwylafgl for updates about the story &amp; previews!**

**xx meaghan**


	6. Chapter 6

**Lots to say here so let's get the ball rolling:**

**1\. I know, I've been MIA. If you follow my Twitter you may know, yes, I got a concussion. I've been given the all clear for normal activities now and have been working on this part very slowly.**

**Second, before I start the actual chapter I have to thank all my reviewers, especially houseofanubisfan2, who has reviewed every single chapter. You guys make me so happy c:**

**Lastly, thank you also to sibunastories and KiwiSaladFace. Both of your reviews were just so sweet!**

* * *

The next time I see him is a few days later, at Amber's birthday party, which she hosts at Patricia and Eddie's place.

I'm still considerably pissed after Amber's little plan, but I know she's just trying to fix us, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want that. Plus, it's her birthday. It's kind of an unwritten rule that you can't go batshit crazy on your roommate/BBF on their birthday.

After a few hours, everyone's left and the only ones still here are Patricia, Eddie, Amber, Fabian, and me.

That's when Patricia proposes we have a party of our own, "Drinks?" She walks in with several bottles of obviously cheap beer.

"No thanks, guys." Fabian says quietly as she reaches out to him. Good. Now I won't be the only one not drinking. It's just not my thing. Patricia looks at me hopefully, but I shake my head.

"Alright then, I say we play a game."

"Please don't pick a stupid one like-" she cuts me off with exactly what I don't want to hear.

"Truth or dare?"

I groan. "Fine. But if you go too far I'm out." I glare at Amber, knowing that even though I've made myself clear, she'll find a way around it.

"Okay then, Nina," she smiles, "You know the question, what's your answer?"

"Truth." It's the less riskier of the two, considering it's Patricia.

"What was your favorite day ever?"

My favorite day was my 8th birthday. "My dad and I went to a carnival together, but told my mom we were going out for lunch. She always hated me going on rides because she thought they were dangerous. My dad loved the go-karts, but all I wanted to do was ride the swings. He hated the swings, but he rode with me anyways. We stayed out till midnight and tried to sneak in without my mom noticing. But nothing got past her. He was in so much trouble. I, however, got ice cream. It was the best day of my life." I tell the story as quickly as possible, and laugh, remembering how scared my dad looked when mom caught us.

"Aww, that's so sweet!" Amber, of course. "Okay, Eddie, your turn."

"What do you think," he scoffs.

"If you're so sure of yourself, why not finish your drink?"

"Done and done."

We all watch in disbelief as Eddie chugs down the entire bottle, except Patricia, who just seems mildly pissed off.

"So, Patty," he smirks, calling her by the nickname we all know she hates. "I dare you to come sit on my lap the rest of the game."

She crosses her arms, "Who said I pick dare?" Eddie glares at her like this has happened before. "Oh hell..." Patricia sighs as she takes a big sip from her beer and sits across his lap.

Eddie speaks up next, looking satisfied, but starting to jumble his words together, "Fabian, I'm gonna guess truth?"

No one acknowledges the fact that Eddie decided to go twice.

"Um," Fabian looks around the circle, "actually, dare."

"I dare you to... kiss Nina?" he says, with a slightly unsure, questioning tone. God damnit, he better rethink that. I can see Amber biting back the urge to slap him.

Fabian looks at me and I feel my throat tighten. "If you don't want to..."

I kind of do though. I play it off with a nonchalant, "It's just a game."

He reaches over, and takes me by surprise when he kisses my hand.

"Dude," Eddie throws his hands up.

"You should learn to be more specific," Fabian smirks. I'm relieved, of course, but I'm also a bit sad, because I know that some part of me really, really wanted to kiss him.

"Alright, this game is stupid, let's do something else," Eddie scoffs, visibly annoyed. The rest of us laugh because it's exactly like him to do stuff like that.

We ended up watching Disney movies next, despite Patricia and Eddie's protests. It's just after 2 am. 'We' being Fabian, Amber, and me. Patricia and Eddie fell asleep on the couch while we were arguing over what movie to watch, since they obviously didn't care at all. That left the three of us with the floor, because none of us dared to a, wake them up so we could take the couches, or b, sleep in their room instead. We at least find some blankets stowed under the coffee table, so it's not a complete mess.

Amber crashes around 3:30 during the middle of Aladdin.

"Do you want me to turn it off?"

"Huh?" I whisper back to Fabian.

"Well, you look tired. I wanted to know if we should turn it off and just go to bed."

"Not like I'll be able to sleep on this stupid floor anyways," I scoff. Flat hardwood isn't the most comfortable place to sleep. Or, like, at all. It would probably be more comfortable to lie down in the middle of a field. At least the ground is soft.

"Ugh," I realize. "We're going to have to deal with hungover Amber in the morning."

"That bad?" he asks.

I sigh, "Last week she was so disoriented she fell and pushed me down when I tried to help her up. Then she threw up out the window."

"At least it was outside?"

"One of her teachers was below the window."

"Oh my god," he laughs.

"It was awful," I sigh. It really was. She's a terrible drunk too; even more nosy than usual, and horribly clumsy.

"So did you want to turn it off?" He asks again.

I shake my head, "Nah." It's not like I'll be able to fall asleep on the hardwood floor, much less with my heart pounding from the thought of Fabian lying next to me.

I roll onto my side and look around the dark apartment, hearing Fabian settle down into sleep. I try closing my eyes to no avail. Instead, the memories of late nights sneaking around fill my mind.

* * *

**AHAHAHAHHA THAT ALMOST-KISS WAS MEAN AND I DON'T CARE**

**I hope that the next chapter will be up sometime next week!**

**As always, feel free to harass me on twitter lafgl and check #tfwylafgl for previews.**

**BYE LOSERS**

**jk ya'll cool peeps**

**i'm the loser**


	7. Chapter 7

Hey guys! I've been working super hard to get this chapter out to you and it's finally done! The reason for the wait is: I was in my school musical!

Erm... Actually now I have no excuse because it's the end of July and the musical was in May DON'T HURT ME

P.S. I FINISHED THIS JULY 23 PLEASE PUNCH ME IN THE FACE

...So here we go! Chapter seven!

By the way. Friendly reminder that if somehow we get to 100 reviews, that reviewer gets to pick a song that I will dance to in a onesie. Seriously.

* * *

I eventually do fall asleep, but obviously not for long; when I'm waken up by Amber I'm exhausted.

"Hey, Neens."

I rub my eyes and stretch. My back is killing my from sleeping on the floor. "Let's get back to our dorm, Amber. You should rest some more."

"Don't worry about it, Nina," Patricia walks in with her red hair in a sloppy bun, but not looking even half as bad as Amber. Something tells me she doesn't drink just once in a blue moon. "I'll take care of her, it's no big deal."

"Really, Patricia?" I ask, making sure she's being serious as I stand up and yawn, "Thanks."

As I'm grabbing my bag to leave, I see Fabian out of the corner of my eye. He's got his bag too, "I see what you mean."

"About?"

"Amber." Oh, God. What did she say to him? "She started rambling on about baking a cake for her birthday."

I burst out laughing. Usually she mumbles about the latest fashion trends. "Well, I can assure you that's not happening. I wouldn't ever let Amber bake... at all."

I don't think I'd trust her around anything hot or flammable. She's not always the sharpest tool in the shed.

"That story you told last night about your dad," he starts, and I tense up a bit, "It reminded me of stuff my dad used to do for me when I was a kid."

I give a small smile, but don't respond.

"I, uh, had a nice time last night," he says, opening the door for me.

I smile. "Me too."

"Um, listen, would you ever wanna... maybe, um, catch a movie sometime?" he stutters. Is this his way of asking me out? It can't be. It's just a friendly thing. After all, we haven't seen each other in years.

"I'm free tonight." I shrug.

"Oh, good, I mean... Eh..." he sighs and covers his face with his hands.

I smile and chuckle silently. I've missed his awkwardness. "There's a theater a few blocks away. I'll meet you there at 8 and we'll see whatever's playing."

I lean in to give him what's supposed to be a quick, friendly hug. But I end up not letting go right away... and that extra few seconds is enough for me to feel awkward the whole walk back to my dorm.

It's only 12, and it's Sunday, so I have a few hours free to do whatever I want. In a perfect world, I would binge-watch a TV show until I had to leave, but I end up only getting through 3 and a half episodes before I start freaking out about what I'm supposed to wear.

After making a mess in my room and destroying my formerly neat drawers, I end up wearing a sweater and jeans.

So much for being casual and not caring.

I get there a few minutes after 8, and we decide to see the newest Pixar movie. We go into the theatre late, but it's fine; we only miss the trailers.

And I'll be honest. I have a lot of fun.

I'm about to say goodbye and go back to my dorm when he starts to talk. "Nina, I... I really want to talk to you about what happened over the summer. I know you shot me down last time but I just need to get it out."

"Fabian, really, it doesn't matter." It does. "It's not a big deal." It is.

He gives me a knowing look.

"I don't want to talk about it," I sigh.

"Please..."

"Fine." I agree, if only to get it over with and never talk about it again.

"It wasn't anything special. We went out a few times and she kissed me once. I haven't seen her since." I avoid eye contact with him when he explains.

I have to try hard not to cringe when he mentions that they kissed. "I already told you, it's not a big deal. It's none of my business who you date." I try telling myself that, for real, but a part of me is still screaming and crying. I hate that part of me. I wish I was able to let go.

"Nina, can I ask you something honestly?"

I nod.

"Do you still have feelings for me?"

"Yes," it slips out before I can think.

Fuck.

I don't swear lightly.

But fuck.

* * *

Have fun with your FUCKING cliffhanger, guys! (jk the next chapter will be up tomorrow because I've already finished it) (i also really like saying fuck)


	8. Chapter 8

"Okay, um." I can tell he didn't expect that. To be honest _I_ didn't either.

"Can I ask you a question?"

He nods.

"What _are_ we?" I only ask because I really, honestly want to know.

"You're Nina Martin. My best friend." He smiles gently, repeating what he said to me in sophomore year. (Incidentally, soon after, we got back together).

There's a bit of a silence before I speak up, "I don't want things to be awkward between us."

"Me neither, but... I can't tell you that I don't still have feelings for you too."

Well, _fuck_. What are we even doing... What _is_ this? I leave with no warning and cut off all contact with everyone for two whole fucking years and he doesn't even seem mad?

Am _I_ going mad?

"I know things are weird between us now and I know we just said neither of us want things to be like this, but I still like you, Nina, and no matter how much you try to tell yourself you don't, I know you do too because I know you. I know that your favorite season is Winter because you secretly still like building snowmen even though it's childish. I know that you'll do _anything_ to protect the people you care about. I know how much you blame yourself for everything that's gone on between us for the past few years, and, sure, I don't understand why you did what you did, but I trust that you were doing the right thing. You _always_ do, Nina." (I don't notice until then that his hand is on my shoulder).

And I'm speechless.

Speechless because now I _know_ I'm still in love with him.

"I, um, had a nice time." I try to change the subject. I don't want things getting any more awkward. I might just die of embarrassment.

"Me too," he responds.

"Do you want to come inside? I'm pretty sure Amber will stay at Patricia's again tonight." Suddenly I feel more at ease, because we're acting more like friends again, but I'm still confused.

He seems to be taken by surprise for a second, but that changes in an instant to a smile, "Of course."

But what are we? I still don't know.

He sits down on Amber's bed and I sit down on mine when we get into my room.

"About the last few years..." I sigh, "do you wanna talk about that?" I owe him an explanation. And everyone else, _really_. It was an awful thing to do; leaving without any explanation. I had reasons, but still.

"If you're okay with it." He shrugs, but I know he really does want to know.

I take a deep breath and try to keep it together, "I know I said things in that letter, but if I'm being honest they're not totally true. You're gonna think I'm _crazy_ but-"

He cuts me off, "I've seen crazy for real too many times. Honestly, I'll believe anything now."

I laugh a bit, it's true. Conspiracy theories and stories about ghosts and spirits don't seem too far fetched to me now. "I knew what was going to happen that year, and now that I've heard what actually happened, I know I made the right decision."

"You knew? _That's_ why you didn't come back? A vision?"

"Kind of. Well, I knew what would happen _if_ I came back. It was worse than what actually happened," I say gently, trying to explain in a way that shows how I was thinking at the time, but I know where he's going with this.

"You... You could've changed that though," he gets quieter, "if you knew what happened you could've changed it." He's probably mad and upset, just not showing it. That's the worst part.

"I know." I feel bad. I've felt bad for the past few years about that stupid decision. He's right. I could have changed everything. "But, that was my choice and I'm sorry for letting everyone down. We wouldn't be in this situation right now if I hadn't run away from everything like that."

He sits there, looking at me, almost confused, for a minute, before he suddenly gets up and walks over, sitting next to me. "But you didn't. It's the past now. You can't keep letting it affect you. It's over." (It seems he's really got a way with words now).

I know that. And I've tried to tell myself that so many times, but I can't stop thinking; what if? "I know," I sigh, and instinctively lean my head on his shoulder. He pulls me closer by wrapping his arm around my back, and neither of us say anything for the longest time.

"Nothing that happened that year was _ever_ your fault."

"I wish I was there. I missed you all so much." I really did. Going to regular high school was so extremely boring compared to Anubis.

Another long pause; "Maybe things would be different now, between us," I say, and I can tell that he knows what I mean by that, but it's already awkward, and at this point I honestly don't care.

"Maybe."

Would it be weird to say it was easier when we were dealing with ancient Egyptian mysteries?

"We've changed so much. I thought _this_ would be easier," I chuckle slightly, lifting my head.

He laughs, and looks at me. I swear, I've _never_ wanted to kiss him more than I do right now. After all, we both know how we feel...

We're already close, and I look at him for the longest time, him too, both probably debating what to do.

The door opens. Of course, it _had _to be Amber.

"Oh, um, sorry, I didn't think I'd be... interrupting something," she smiles.

"No, there's nothing to interrupt, not at all, why would you think that?" I jump back and nervously say.

"I should go," Fabian clears his throat while Amber smiles giddily at me.

As soon as the door closes behind him, I groan, "_Amber_..."

"How was I supposed to know? Oh my god! I need to start scrapbooking again! And dig up the old ones!" she squeals.

"Amber, no!" I yell, I can't take it. She looks back over at me, probably expecting an explanation. "Nothing's going on between us," I lie, "I was telling him about junior year."

"Oh," She purses her lips and looks away; I can tell she doesn't believe me. But I don't care. She's not going to press it any further and that's what I want.

Part of me is glad she came in, but the other part desperately wishes otherwise. I don't really know what I want, actually. I guess that's what I'm trying to figure out.

* * *

**AN:**

**OOOOOOOOOOOH. B)**

**Sorry for that awful cliffhanger last chapter. Hope this longer one kinda makes up for it. I don't have an explanation at all for why this wasn't posted. Sorry for being THAT person and dropping off the face of the earth. **

**Catch ya on the flip side, blah blah, harass me on Twitter lafgl, blah, bye losers. **

**B) I like this face**

**I also still like the word fuck. **

**B) B) B)**

**SURPRISE LOSERS IT'S A TWO CHAPTER UPDATE SO SMASH THAT NEXT BUTTON**


	9. Chapter 9

Yo here's my lameass excuse for being "THAT GUY" and disappearing off the face of this site. School. School school school. No, but seriously, school.

* * *

"He is_ so_ in love with you," Eddie says, laughing. To get away from Amber's squealing, I've found myself at Patricia and Eddie's.

"Eddie." She elbows him in the stomach. Apparently, _very_ hard.

"Ow, ow, _okay_, I'm leaving."

"Look, Nina, I'm no stranger to denying my own feelings. I hate to say it, but Eddie's right. Fabian _really_ loves you. I think he always has. Just by the way you reacted to that, I can tell you do too."

I nod, she definitely knows what she's talking about.

"Well then, what are you doing?"

Honestly, I don't know. At first I wanted to avoid him, then I wanted to be friends, and now my heart is telling me to kiss him. I shrug, "I have _no_ idea..."

She pauses, and pulls out her phone, texting someone, "I _think_ I have someone for you to talk to." She hands it to me and leaves me alone on the couch without even telling me whose number she just dialed. Before I even have a chance to process everything, there's an answer.

"Nina?" a familiar voice asks.

"Joy?" I haven't spoken to her in years.

"Hello, Nina? Is that you?"

"Yeah..."

"Are you okay?"

"I _think_?"

"Patricia told me what's going on. Can we talk?"

Joy is the absolute _last_ person I ever expected to talk to about my love life, but, I also never expected to see any of them again.

"Oh, um, yeah?" I say, almost as a question.

"Look, I know we've never been on the _best_ of terms, but I really would like to help. I just want you to know that you can talk to me anytime, okay?"

"Thank you, Joy," I really mean it. She's right to say we've never really liked each other, but from what I can tell, she genuinely wants to talk. "I guess it's been hard lately. I didn't tell Patricia this, but we almost kissed..." It actually feels good to say that out loud. I've been keeping everything I feel bottled up for the past few months. "I still don't know exactly how I feel though."

"I know you still like him, Nina, _really_, it's not that hard to tell," she laughs.

I can feel myself blush, but, of course, she can't see that, "I know..."

"He loves you, you know that, right?"

"Ugh, why does _everyone_ keep saying that?" I groan, that was the first thing out of Eddie's mouth when I came over. Patricia even mentioned it.

"Because it's true," she says, "Don't you love him?"

I hesitate for a moment. I can trust her. "_Yes_..."

"I hope you figure things out, Nina. Call me anytime."

"Alright," I say, and hang up. I yell for Patricia, and she comes back to take her phone back.

"Better?"

I nod.

"Do you want to talk now?" she asks.

"Still, not really. But I will."

"Have an actual conversation with him. You're both _perfectly_ capable of it."

I would like to do that, honestly, but my nerves get the best of me _every_ time. "I know, I have to. It's hard. Maybe I can start with having an actual conversation with you..." I sigh, I know I have to be honest with her if I want any _real_ advice. Patricia's the last person I would have ever expected to go to for relationship advice but, hey, her and Eddie are doing _pretty_ well. "I came over because I couldn't deal with Amber's freakout."

"Freakout?" She interrupts.

"We kind of... Almost kissed... And Amber walked in..."

Patricia smiles and rolls her eyes at me, "You should talk to him. About _everything_."

"That's, kinda what I was doing."

"Well... In that case,"

I cut her off, laughing, "I'm screwed."

"_So_ screwed."

* * *

**AN:**

**Thank you guys for being patient and bearing with me. Special shoutout to Def(inition of a Writer) for letting me bombard her with the weirdest snapchats. Giant bug on the ceiling during school, anyone? Heh. (Okay in this year that I haven't updated we're like BFFS now I wrote this AN when we first really started talking but now we're writing a webseries and I'm in love with her dog and got her way too deep into like 5 shows)**

**As always, please harass me on Twitter lafgl. Seriously, do it. I have no self control.**

**Another important note: I probably won't be posting here on FF after I finish this story (which I DEFINITELY intend to do at some point. Don't wanna be THAT GUY.) I AM posting over on ao3 (archive of our own) under the same username (lafgl) but I doubt I'll write any more for HOA. Don't get me wrong, I still love the show, and I've met lots of friends because of it, but I'm not as obsessed with it as I was when I started writing all this. This show started my fanfiction writing career, lmao. So, over on ao3 I've been writing about The Last of Us and Divergent, and I have like 20 things I'm debating if they're good enough to post, with various fandoms such as Person of Interest (if you follow me on twitter you KNOW how much I am obsessed with that show rn) and some books. Hope you guys will find something you're interested with on my page! - Meaghan**

**See you guys next time! Which will hopefully be soon.**


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